Julie's Journey

Julie	Posted Dec 4, 2010 11:32 PM Link to this discussion
user 2333827 Wilson, NC Post #: 2	Hello! I am Julie. I have been a vegan since August 15th, 2010. I started Dr. Fuhrman's Eat to Live 6 week challenge on August 22nd, 2010. To this date, I have lost 26 pounds. I decided to start keeping a journal on the message board for several reasons: - to keep myself accountable - to encourage dialogue about challenges and solutions to those challenges and to be transparent in my journey and the choices I make. Over the next month or so, I will begin telling my story. I welcome all dialogue, comments, questions. If something I have done or said helps you on your journey also, that would be fantastic. Please start a thread and share your journey also! ~ Julie
Julie	Posted Dec 23, 2010 11:46 PM Link to this reply
user 2333827 Wilson, NC Post #: 3	I am visiting my family for the holidays. I am the only vegan and nutritarian in the bunch. We have worked out a system that fits us nicely. They eat their food, and I eat mine. Take for instance the past two days. Yesterday was 10.5 hrs on the road. Today was 8 hrs more. I had celery cut up and hummus ready to eat for yesterday's trip, but nothing for today. After coming through the mountains on snowy roads, I was hungry, tired, and still had at least 2 more hrs to drive. I compromised. I actually ate fast food. We stopped at taco bell, and i got two bean burritos with no cheese. This is the first fast food I have eaten since July. I feel okay about it though. The break from the road, the chance to stretch, made up for it. Today, was back to normal. A few hours into my trip, we needed gas and food. We stopped at a gas station and I grabbed a granola bar with the least amount of sugar in the ingredients list, and a bag of cashews. And a bottle of water. The driving for now is over, and I have settled in for the next few days. I went to the grocery store, and picked up some staples so I can make my meals over the next few days. While the family has their meals, I will be having mine. I bought peppers, mushrooms, yams, acorn squash, brown rice, kale, and a variety of beans. I will be tossing veggies in a skillet and eating my dishes with my family as they eat theirs. My family understands that I want to share in the holidays with them, but I do not wish to share their food. They are just happy to have me here - they don't care what I eat. I make my own dishes because it is easier on my family since I restrict most of their foods from my diet, it is hard for them to remember what I like, and what I can eat. It is less stress for us all if I make my own dishes. I am given plenty of time and space in the kitchen. I will be baking cookies tomorrow. Butter, eggs, sugar... but for me, the focus is not on the cookies, or getting to eat the dough. The focus is on the time spent in the kitchen bonding with my family. I can preach to them how cookies are bad, or I can show them by my actions that a great time can be had even if I am not eating cookies and drinking milk. My family gets to see me in action, and I get to set an example of how one can say no to cookies, sweets, and all other holiday junk foods.
Julie	Posted Dec 30, 2010 10:24 PM Link to this reply
user 2333827 Wilson, NC Post #: 4	Well, I got out of having to make cookies because no one felt like messing up the kitchen and having to clean it. however, i will tell you Christmas dinner was difficult. I love my mom's lasagna. But she uses lots of cheese, and meat. I had a huge yam I baked in the oven until it was yummy, sprinkled with cinnamon, and had that instead. but it was hard sitting there, watching my family eat one of my two favorite meals from "before". you know what? the moment passed. this is probably the thing that gives people the most trouble. the delaying, or 'denying' oneself certain perceived pleasures. i use the word perceived for a reason. as i sit here, christmas dinner a memory - and i can tell you about my yam, but i cannot re-taste it. i can tell you how i loved smelling the lasagna, and wanted some. but if i had eaten it, it would be the same as the yam - only a memory. what i gained in 'denying' myself food that is toxic to my body, and what i gained in eating food that was nutritious to my body - the after-effects are still occurring, even though the meal itself is now intangible. that moment of "oh, i must eat that right now! and as much of it as possible" passes, and when it does pass, there are one of two things, for me, that is left in the wake. there is either regret, shame, and self-abuse - the thoughts of "why did i do that?", "how could i be so foolish", "i always cheat on diets", "now i will never lose weight", "you've blown the whole day, might as well just eat everything else", etc. I'm sure you recognize the pattern. OR I am left with thoughts like "oh, wow, the moment passed and I did it", "look at me go, putting my health first", "i am so glad i did not give in just then". I once heard a quote, and I found it to be true for me. I tried to find the source on google, but i didn't have much luck. the quote says "I never regret what I didn't eat". and I love this quote. it is true. any time i have a moment of "pleasepleasepleasepleaseohpleaseprettyplease let me have that ice cream" and i wait it out - as soon as the craving is gone, i never regret not having satisfied that craving. but when i do give in to the craving, the cycle that starts afterwards is a nightmare. and i always regret what i did, feel ashamed, feel mad, angry with myself. i find that realization to be my power and strength when i face times like christmas dinner. because now, i don't mind at all that i had a yam instead. i'm actually GLAD that's what i had. don't know if that will help anyone else, but i find it helps me to keep things in proper perspective.
Julie	Posted Jan 14, 2011 12:17 PM Link to this reply
user 2333827 Wilson, NC Post #: 5	I just ordered my last book needed for Dr. Fuhrman's Nutritional Education Program! Once I have the money to sign up for the program, I will be all set. I will post this weekend on my recent discovery that not being perfect does NOT mean instant failure. Been struggling with that lately.
Jodi	Posted Jan 15, 2011 11:02 AM Link to this reply
user 9145157 Cary, NC Post #: 4	I just ordered my last book needed for Dr. Fuhrman's Nutritional Education Program! Once I have the money to sign up for the program, I will be all set. Julie, I became certified as an NET in 2009. Unless the rules have changed.....except for buying the study materials, I didn't pay for the program until the week I was ready to take the first exam. As far as I could tell, there was no need to shell out the money "to sign up" unless I was ready to get certified. Just a tip, that worked for me. Jodi O'Neill, Cary
Julie	Posted Jan 17, 2011 8:03 PM Link to this reply
user 2333827 Wilson, NC Post #: 6	Thank you, Jodi!
Julie	Posted Jan 17, 2011 8:25 PM Link to this reply
user 2333827 Wilson, NC Post #: 7	I have a tendency to fall into black or white thinking. I know most of life is lived in the grey area, but I usually try to organize a thought and stick it in a box so it can be filed away. I find this leads me to a style of thinking known as perfectionist. i want things just so. and if they aren't just so, things are all wrong. not just a little wrong, ALL wrong. This made the first time I went vegan very hard on me, because I had all these 'rules' to follow and no idea how to do so. I thought I had to be perfect in order to be effective. The great thing that has happened over the last 5 months is that I have started learning just because something isn't 100% the way I think it should be - it is NOT 100% wrong either. Dr. Fuhrman follows the 90/10 rule. Aim for 90%, do not worry about the other 10%, and things will be fine. Giving myself permission to mess up once in awhile helped me pick stick with the plan this time. Knowing I was not a complete failure if I missed the mark of perfect has also helped me in some other areas. like exercise. UGH. I despise exercise. Gym class was pure torture for me. That all or nothing thinking really took a toll on my self-esteem. If I couldn't be among the best - why bother at all? Why run if I was not good at running - never one to be called graceful or fast - why bother running? Why bother then turned into an "I could never" and from there it just went into self-loathing and hate. Anything the brought attention to me struggling to do something others could do with ease has left me hating exercise. So, I am starting to grasp that I do not have to be the best, the most graceful, the most athletic, the fastest, the strongest. That it is okay to show myself compassion as I climb up the learning curve. I have committed myself to things before, in order to use that as a goal. It hasn't worked yet for me. Which has always ended up in the "not perfect=failure" bin in my mind. now that i have the pattern down for eating, and meal-making, I would like to try adding in exercise. I think for now I am going to start at the beginning, just wipe my mind clear of all the "shoulds" and get comfortable starting at zero. No expecting myself to run four miles in an hour the first day back in the gym. rather, starting with gentle exercises, the gets my body used to moving again. then i can move up to running, and running for distance. I think it is a good thing to have goals and expectations of ourselves. I think it is good to strive for our best. What I am learning though, is there is an allowable difference between my own personal best, the the best ever. I have been lazy with my eating this past week. I need to clean it back up and get back to eating good. I probably hit more in the 80/20 area this past week. That part is easy now though - I can look back at my efforts, and clearly see where I need to make adjustments to get back to 90/10. And knowing that is what clicked on the exercise thing for me. My goal this week is to exercise 3 times. Just stretch and walk. Not for speed, not for counting calories burned, not for distance but just for the sake of moving. I think that is where I need to start. Anyone want a 3 mph walking buddy?
Julie	Posted Jan 18, 2011 8:57 PM Link to this reply
user 2333827 Wilson, NC Post #: 8	Today a friend of mine shared with me the details about a decision she had to make. My heart breaks for her, and I have no other outlet at the moment, so I'm putting this here - maybe one of you have a suggestion for me, or anyone, in this position. My friend's dad was diagnosed with Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer. He did everything the doctors told him to do. Radiation, Chemo, the works. And when one drug didn't work, he went through the process again, and again. I approached my friend twice about her dad. I asked her to just give her mom and dad the information. They are in California and close to Charlotte Gerson. I gave the details as best I could. Her dad refused saying he wanted to have no dietary changes because he did not want to change his quality of living. And then, his body attacked, taking away his quality of life anyway. Without mercy, without a break from the pain, without a day of rest, without a day of not being sick - this became his new level of quality. I asked my friend to try again. He was in so much pain, taking so many painkillers - I thought for certain he would want to try anything that would give him even a glimmer of hope for the pain to lessen. Again, he refused. His health took a serious turn last week. His organs have begun to shut down. He doesn't understand who he is, where he is, or what is going on. He was admitted to the hospital, given medicine to help with the pain, and given medicine to help reverse the toxic buildup in his body. After one lucid afternoon, what very well could turn out to be his final rally, his body has been in a steady decline. I have not lost a parent. I can only imagine. Just thinking about losing any immediate family member of mine can drive me to tears. I have no idea what my friend is going through. All I can do is be there for her, and pray. Edited by steve hoff on Feb 1, 2011 11:39 PM
Julie	Posted Jan 24, 2011 9:57 AM Link to this reply
user 2333827 Wilson, NC Post #: 9	I took some time this weekend to work through my feelings on this. I understand that the decision my friend's dad made was, in his mind, the best decision for himself and his family. I do not want to detract from that. My feelings are just that. Mine. And they have moved from anger to acceptance. As is the way of grief. Just having a place to come, to vent, where I knew someone would understand my frustration, has been wonderful. Thank you. In times of grief, it is invaluable to know you are not alone. I do not blame him for his choices nor do I hold a grudge. I feel at peace now, having made sense of my own emotions. Now that I have dealt with my own emotions, I can hold my friend and be strong for her as she deals with hers. He is gone. She got the call this morning. And, thankfully, I can offer her all my love and support because I hold no anger anymore. I can be the friend she needs me to be because I have already worked through my own emotions. I feel blessed to already have struggled through so that now, in the time she needs me most, I can fully be there for her.
Julie	Posted Jun 13, 2011 6:27 PM Link to this reply
user 2333827 Wilson, NC Post #: 12	I haven't posted in quite some time. I hadn't realized just how long it has been until just now. I will just quickly summarize where I have been and what has been happening in my absence. In February, I started having some severe stomach aches. I went for some tests, and it turns out my gallbladder was unhappy, which in turn, made my liver very unhappy. I was trying to wait for April to remove my gallbladder - but ended up having to push the date forward a bit as the pain kept getting worse. I am currently relearning how my body processes different foods. The great thing about this healthy lifestyle is that I was able to know something was wrong with my body, and I had great previous blood tests to show just how out of whack things were getting. And now, I have a good 'baseline' for my blood panel and know without a doubt that my heart is strong and healthy. Had I not been following the Eat to Live lifestyle for the previous 6 months, my gallbladder issues could have been much more severe. It also would have made a diagnosis harder to determine. For the time between the first onset of the attacks, to basically last week, my eating has been all over the place. I have been eating anything that I could that my body would not reject in some way. Some days that was beans, some days that was veggies, other days beans and veggies were rejected and I went back to processed foods. Some days crackers were the only thing I could eat. The last few months I've let my body do its own thing, and just went along for the ride. The past two weeks, I have slowly been transitioning back to my Eat to Live vegan ways. Until I am more aware of what my overall health status is, I am aiming for a 90% following of Eat to Live/Vegan and allowing the other 10% to be more free-form. I am waiting for a few more test results and may have some other restrictions/additions/guidelines that I need to follow. I am so glad I already know I can successfully follow this lifestyle and have committed to it - because it is making the healing process go very smoothly. I expect before the end of June to be back into a regular groove. For now, 90% is my goal. That may seem odd, but this gives me a little room to play with, so I am not stressing about experimenting with different foods while I rebuild my nutrition plan.

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